...so i touched it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
