the only muscles i have these days is kegels
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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