I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
