Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
