I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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