If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
