I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
