is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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