And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
