Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
