he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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