In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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