i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
