I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
