Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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