It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
