His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
