Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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