My first STD was from a foam party
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
