he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
