Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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