So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
