there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
