im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
