Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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