just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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