are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
