I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
