Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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