I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
