I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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