forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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