Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
