I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
