I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
