i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
