There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize