im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
