not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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