i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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