I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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