Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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