Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
