I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
