I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
