he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
