Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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