Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
