I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i now understand why vodka
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
