When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
