apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
