I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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