uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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