last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
