Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
