I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
