How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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