so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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