so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
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Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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