i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
