wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
