I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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