I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
