We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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