i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
