At least make sure they are 18
Why
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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